Hold It All In
by suicide-greeting
Summary: Slight KaoruKenshin but revolves around Kaoru. She's having some tough times. Can't Really explain. This doesn't go in exact seqeunce, the people who have read it like it. It jumps and skips but you'll be able to follow.'Miss Kaoru can you hear me? he ask
1. One Question

Kaoru stood outside the dojo looking up at the sky, longingly. The lonilness was evident in her eyes.

"Kenshin?" she asked cautiously, knowing he was on the roof behind her.

"Oro?"

"Do you ever…hold yourself?" She paused, "Just to hold it all in?"

He raised an eyebrow at her, confused.

"Hold what in?" he asked innocently.

She looked at him for a moment before sighing.

"Never mind," she said suddenly tired.

Kenshin watcher her as she walked away, dropping her practice sword as she went. Kenshin saw a cut on her right palm as she moved, just so. He got serious, watching her leave, and wondering where the cut had come from.


	2. One Word

No one knows how hard it is to be a girl unless you are one. Although it would be just as hard to be a boy.

But the hardest thing is to try and be both.

"Time to shed the practice swords, Kaoru."

He watched her either in disgust or lust, neither could be backed up.

Was this blood her own? Maybe.

He left her there with a hand that refused to hold a sword, out of pain or shame?

What if she tried to cry? In her room, even in her mind she didn't dare.

The past was killing her and in her head she heard one word.

'_Oro?'_


	3. One Concious

They were all getting suspicious, she could see it in their eyes but no one dared say anything.

At times she felt bad, out of them all, she was the best off. Her past wasn't so bad and even if her present wasn't ideal it was nothing to alarm the others about.

Her hand was bound tight and her training ceased punished herself and shunned herself for her weakness, pushing all her other limbs to the limit. And she was surprised that when she bled, the blood was red, because she no longer felt alive.


	4. One Body

Kaoru closed down the dojo for the night. The scenery was peaceful and calm…and right. A silence hung in the space that the others normally filled.

Everything was as it should be, except for her heart but that was a matter to be tended to later.

She walked into her room and although all was calm, she was restless. And though it wasn't cold outside she shivered as she dropped her kimono for her nightly inspection. Her critical eyes traced every bandage and glared at every bruise. She scorned every inch of her body that might be the cause of weakness.

She almost wished the reason she was dong this was different. She knew that the girls in town did this sometimes, but to try and find why the man she liked didn't like her back, or to tell herself she wasn't pretty.

Kaoru, on the other hand, had never felt loved nor been in love as far as she knew. Of course, she wouldn't know. She had witnessed lust, but it was disgusting for her to think about and even more disgusting to remember.

Kaoru took out her body suit. She often used it on nights like this although that hadn't been her original intent when she bought it.

Originally she had bought it for dancing but now she used it for shielding, concealing herself, fighting herself, and training. It was tight and suffocated her. She was convinced that it helped her, in some way and that it was used for good.

It showed every curve of her body and gave her the resemblance of nakedness.


	5. One Glimpse

Kenshin knocked timidly.

"Miss Kaoru? Miss Kaoru?"

No answer was heard.

He walked in quietly to find her sprawled on the floor, her face buried from view. He bent down, his ear by her mouth, listening. He couldn't hear much and hurriedly turned her over.

"Miss Kaoru? Miss Kaoru can you hear me?" He asked shaking her slightly. His hands went to her 'suit', skin tight. He fumbled with the zipper and pulled it across the white fabric, giving her lungs room. He pulled it down from her neck past her belly button. As he looked he sucked in his breath.

"Oh god…"


	6. One Promise

Kaoru stood in front of Kenshin, bowing deeply.

"Thank you again," she said in her polite 'teacher' voice.

Kenshin smiled, "I was just worried about you," his face grew serious. "You should really see the medicine woman."

Kaoru's smile never faltered, "Yes…I was having a little trouble breathing but I'm fine now, although if it makes you feel better I'll go."

She exchanged one last smile and with all her lady manners and etiquette she bid him farewell and continued down the street, not looking back at his confused face.


	7. One Mention

"Have you noticed Kaoru acting...weird lately?" Sanosuke asked, taking a small bite out of his rice ball.

"Probably just a girl thing," Yahiko said biting his rice ball in half, littering his face with spare rice.

"Hmmm…" Kenshin thought, putting down his food, no longer hungry.


	8. One Lie

Kenshin watched the old lady sort through her medicines.

"So no young lady came in here recently? The one who owns the dojo down the road?"

"No, I've had no such visitor and I **_never_** forget a face."

Kenshin said thank you, watching the old woman, his eyes distant, piecing parts together.


	9. One Wound

She sat quietly in her room, wrapping her stomach where her old wound had re-opened again. It never seemed to heal and a scar was sure to follow and every time she fought it felt like it had been made again. the pain just as intense as the first time. As the thought came, her fingers tensed and her heart flared angrily at herself, her weakness. She pulled the fabric tight as she wound it around and then pulled it hard. She let out a small choking sound as the wind got knocked out of her. She looked at herself in the mirror in shock before falling backwards onto her bed. She stretched out, causing the dressing on her wound to unwind. She sighed staring at the ceiling, feeling helpless.


	10. One Dismissal

Kaoru sat on the ground panting heavily, one arm propped her to a sitting position. Her bamboo sword was across the yard. Kenshin was still standing, still in fighting position. He had one their little 'practice duel'. She grimaced. She wasn't even close to a match for him, lucky no one had been around. She sensed that he had too been disappointed in her lack of talents. They both knew she was going downhill.

A high whistle, almost too high-pitched for the human ear to register, brought her attention back to the scene in front of her. Her chest heaved with effort; her eyes were latched onto to Kenshin with false coldness. She wanted him to leave, leave now.

"Kenshin, don't you have some shopping to do in market?" She said her voice biting, dismissing him.


	11. One Day at the Market

"Oh, I'd totally do her," a red-faced man bragged.

"I heard she's going mad. Not quite right since her father kicked it," Said another.

The third one laughed, "That has nothing to do about her fuck-ability. She's one of the prettiest girls in town, the toughest girl too."

"I'd love to just break her!" they all agreed before chugging another pint of sake.

Kenshin walked past them with his groceries balanced on his shoulders, pretending not to listen.

It scared Kenshin that he knew who they were talking about.


	12. One New Feeling

She came home with a black eye but refused to talk to anyone which was well enough because Kenshin couldn't look at her, hearing the men's voices in his head. Kaoru sat in her room in the same house as Kenshin. He could feel his presence and it unnerved him. He knew that she didn't know that all the men in town were attracted to her and he planned on keeping it that way.

A/N no clue what else to do. To satisfy my sadistic needs I might just kill Kaoru or maybe…hm…er never mind can't tell you that. If there's anything all you 'readers' want to happen tell me. Do not tell me how to continue the story just what you'd like to see happen like "That guy that tortures Kaoru should be Kenshin" or "Have it be a happy ending"…..Oh gods….don't put either of those because I will NOT do that. shudders Altho I know one person that will want Kaoru and Kenshin to get together….hmm…I'm leaving now…leaving


End file.
